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I have been an awful blogger. I haven't give my followers any good material in long time, so I decided to punish myself. Not inside a bath tub with a razor and a Taking Back Sunday cd, but by doing something much worse. I watched Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000, perhaps the worst movie ever made, I kid you not. If you enjoy science fiction, action movies, interesting characters, and good stories please look elsewhere. I tried to look at why this film is so terrible but I got lost. I decided to make a list, unfortunately to pick every part of this movie that sucked would require seeing it again.

1. The script is based on Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard's book. If you know the beliefs of Scientologists then you can probably grasp how ridiculous and incoherent this movie is.

2. Almost every shot in the movie is a dutch angle, I was forced to tilt my head from side to side so I could watch this epic dump of a movie.

3. Travolta's acting is so bad it makes Robert Patterson, that d-bag vampire wanna be from the Twilight Series, look like Leo DiCaprio.

4. The plot is the biggest piece of garbage ever, relying on coincidence after coincidence to drag this story along. An example: the protagonist just happens to find Harrier jets which have been left in perfect condition for over 1000 years along with a training simulator for said jets.

5. The film is viewed as a pro-Scientology propaganda, which is hysterical considering how bad this movie did in theaters.

6. Forrest Whitaker is so disappointing. I mean he tries to do his best with the nine foot tall abortion of an alien, but he still blows.

7. The writer apologized publicly for his role in making this atrocity.

8. It sets up for the sequel, indeed this movie pulls a Super Mario Brothers and sets up for a sequel which will never happen, unless someone at Franchise Pictures decides to pick up his crack pipe. Wait, this movie directly lead to the bankruptcy of that company.

Ok, so I am sorry that this update has been so long in the making, but trust me, by watching Battlefield Earth I have suffered enough.

Man of the Year

“I don’t think they are going to be ready for this situation. Everyone’s gonna be like 'oh shoot, that’s the situation right there"- Mike "The Situation"

It's January, but it's not too early to start considering our 2010 Man of the Year, the Situation. Seriously, this guy is awesome, he refers to himself in the third person, with a nickname that he most likely gave himself. The Situation seems to have a very basic agenda: pick up trashy girls, throw the "hand grenades" to his boy Pauly D, and then hit the hot tub. In the world of one dimensional reality personas, the Situation appears to be the most one dimensional, hence the most awesome. I think meeting the Situation would be a huge let-down, but I could be wrong.

If you are reading this Mr. The Situation, which you probably can't, don't stop doing what you do best, you make State Island proud.

BCS BS

Did anyone see the BCS selection show on Fox last night after the Cowboys/Giants game? It began with a whopping three minute highlight reel of epic BCS games past accompanied music that could make John Williams cry. They soon began announcing the bowls including the shots of a stadium filled with fans waiting to hear something which everyone knew. Seriously TCU? Don't you guys have finals this week? This leads me to my next question: Seriously America?

The bowl games don't start until December 19th, and those ones aren't even the big ones. I think we should take a chill pill before we begin to go all America on it and ruin it.

Because this is getting hyped up as the much as anything has been lately I made 5 predictions to show just how epic this bowl season will be:

1.SEC represents in all bowl games, the SEC needs a gang sign the players could flash after big plays so they can rep it.

2.Tim Tebow cries again, regardless of the outcome of the Sugar Bowl.

3. Mark Mangino remains heroically fat.

4. Colt McCoy grows another sweet mustache.

5. Tony Pike remains a legit NFL prospect, despite showing up to the game inebriated.

FYL

FML, the website where people can anonymously complain about how much they suck is not too different from most of its users. It also sucks. Sure FML can be funny, but usually it is just depressing.

Luckily, I found an FML-esque website, but much funnier. MLIA- My Life is Average. What might appear on FML as "Today I pooped myself. FML". Instead read more like this: "Today I pooped myself, it's ok I am 98 years old. MLIA". Short, sweet, and a complete satire of FML.

Thankfully hipsters found this site, and ruined it. MLIA went from consistent source of hilarity to another reason why I hate people I have never met. Yesterday's top comments was, "Today, a friend and I had a discussion about dinosaurs and came to the conclusion that t-rexs were only angry and aggressive because their arms were too short to hug one another. MLIA. " Sorry nerds, that's not average. The site has lost its mojo.

Fortunately, texts from last night has not been ruined, yet.

The Green Movement

Ok, this green thing is here to stay. We get it, we should use only what we need. The one thing I hate about the green movement is the snobbishness of those who try to promote it, like the common man wouldn't understand that burning plastics is not good for the environment without the Greensters! Thank god that jerk in the Prius let me know that I shouldn't leave the water running in the shower if I am not in it. How insightful, I never really thought about it that way. SMACK.

Wait, Greenies, are you telling me that riding my bike to work uses less gas than a car? Wow, you should be up for a Nobel prize, I would have never thought of that one by myself. I bet all you green guys sit in a room and come up with such ingenious ideas, like, turning off the water when you're brushing your teeth! You guys are real heroes.

To all you green lovers, this is not an attack, merely a promise: If you point out one more green tip that isn't actually helpful I will come down upon you.

We get it, leaving your car running for hours on end produces carbon emissions, so please shut up and get out of my way. Also handing out those pamphlets with green information is counter-productive, just think about it.

Look for more on the green movement later

Sorry...

Sorry the update is taking too long, I've been busy as hell. I hope that you guys don't hate me forever. Expect something good though.