BCS BS

Did anyone see the BCS selection show on Fox last night after the Cowboys/Giants game? It began with a whopping three minute highlight reel of epic BCS games past accompanied music that could make John Williams cry. They soon began announcing the bowls including the shots of a stadium filled with fans waiting to hear something which everyone knew. Seriously TCU? Don't you guys have finals this week? This leads me to my next question: Seriously America?

The bowl games don't start until December 19th, and those ones aren't even the big ones. I think we should take a chill pill before we begin to go all America on it and ruin it.

Because this is getting hyped up as the much as anything has been lately I made 5 predictions to show just how epic this bowl season will be:

1.SEC represents in all bowl games, the SEC needs a gang sign the players could flash after big plays so they can rep it.

2.Tim Tebow cries again, regardless of the outcome of the Sugar Bowl.

3. Mark Mangino remains heroically fat.

4. Colt McCoy grows another sweet mustache.

5. Tony Pike remains a legit NFL prospect, despite showing up to the game inebriated.

FYL

FML, the website where people can anonymously complain about how much they suck is not too different from most of its users. It also sucks. Sure FML can be funny, but usually it is just depressing.

Luckily, I found an FML-esque website, but much funnier. MLIA- My Life is Average. What might appear on FML as "Today I pooped myself. FML". Instead read more like this: "Today I pooped myself, it's ok I am 98 years old. MLIA". Short, sweet, and a complete satire of FML.

Thankfully hipsters found this site, and ruined it. MLIA went from consistent source of hilarity to another reason why I hate people I have never met. Yesterday's top comments was, "Today, a friend and I had a discussion about dinosaurs and came to the conclusion that t-rexs were only angry and aggressive because their arms were too short to hug one another. MLIA. " Sorry nerds, that's not average. The site has lost its mojo.

Fortunately, texts from last night has not been ruined, yet.

The Green Movement

Ok, this green thing is here to stay. We get it, we should use only what we need. The one thing I hate about the green movement is the snobbishness of those who try to promote it, like the common man wouldn't understand that burning plastics is not good for the environment without the Greensters! Thank god that jerk in the Prius let me know that I shouldn't leave the water running in the shower if I am not in it. How insightful, I never really thought about it that way. SMACK.

Wait, Greenies, are you telling me that riding my bike to work uses less gas than a car? Wow, you should be up for a Nobel prize, I would have never thought of that one by myself. I bet all you green guys sit in a room and come up with such ingenious ideas, like, turning off the water when you're brushing your teeth! You guys are real heroes.

To all you green lovers, this is not an attack, merely a promise: If you point out one more green tip that isn't actually helpful I will come down upon you.

We get it, leaving your car running for hours on end produces carbon emissions, so please shut up and get out of my way. Also handing out those pamphlets with green information is counter-productive, just think about it.

Look for more on the green movement later

Sorry...

Sorry the update is taking too long, I've been busy as hell. I hope that you guys don't hate me forever. Expect something good though.

Draft Decision

I have been contacted by an agent, I plan on trying out for the San Francisco 49ers for any position necessary. Here is the recruiting video.

Zaboni

Seinfeld's Problem

I am an avid fan of Seinfeld, I consider it one of the high points of the 20th century along with Michael Bay's movies of that century (see previous post). Anyways, I have always considered the show to be flawless, from the hilarious characters to the absurd plots which always end in some funny confrontation, hopefully involving Costanza. However, I have found one fatal flaw in the show, and it comes in Jerry's apartment.

It is fact that Jerry and Kramer both reside at the end of the hallway. It is also fact that Jerry has a bathroom facing parallel to the hallway, with a window also. But what doesn't make any sense is the fact that Jerry's desk set-up isn't as far back as the bathroom, in fact there is no window on that side of the apartment (save for the bathroom). So I worked it out on Google's SketchUp, and no matter how many times I did the floor plan from both memory and while watching episodes, I always found the same problem, the apartment could be bigger. There is an enormous void between the wall of the apartment and the wall of the building. Did the builders have a surplus of dry wall or something and needed to clock in a couple hours for union benefits? Even as an architect it would be MORE work to draw that extra line, it drives me nuts wondering...

What's in there?

Maybe I have too much time on my hands.

On the 8th Day God Created Michael Bay

I am surprised Hollywood is still in business. In 2003 the movie industry peaked, with the release of the best movie ever, Bad Boys II. Not only did it sweep the Oscars, including controversial wins in the best foreign film catergory as well as best documentary. Fans of the film argue that Bad Boys II's climax takes place in Cuba and therefore it is a foriegn film. There still has been no logical defense for the documentary win.

Thankfully, Michael Bay didn't end his life following the release of the movie, although it would've been considered leaving on a high note. And now Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is readying itself to drop its pants and face-rape you this July.

Michael Bay, is the Alfred Hitchcock of my generation.

You say North by Northwest, I say The Rock.

You say Psycho, I say Armegeddon.

Get it.

Michael Bay hasn't made a bad film, ever. I know Pearl Harbor is considered the worst of his films, but that is like saying it's the worst variation of bacon or the worst type of explosion, it's still better than anything else.

If anyone doesn't like Michael Bay, then they must hate freedom and America.